Mine is different from yours

My Mother’s Day doesn’t start like yours.  I work night shift and therefore; have the luxury of receiving the earliest of Mothers Day wishes from my eldest son at 3am.  While you are tucked away sleeping, I receive a phone call from 1,087 miles away.    1997 Eian 2 and Evan 3 months

He’s now 21 and living in Coloroda and in the US Army.  He hasn’t been at home for almost 3 years now.  He is a smart, genuine, handsome, athletic, faithful, caring but realistic and determined young man with dreams.  He tends to stay to himself, he doesn’t like attention and he is very passionate.  He is strong willed and focused.  He has thick skin & doesn’t let much get to him.  He works hard and he plays hard.  He and I grew so much closer once he joined the Military & I will never forget “that letter” he wrote while in boot camp.  The letter was written of his own persuasion & from the heart.  It was like I felt the ink drinking onto my heart from each and every word he wrote.  He also gave a shout out while he was in Qatar on Facebook one year – and when he posted it.  I thought to myself – damn girl you got it right – motherhood.  He stated that it was the little things he missed the most and that he didn’t take things for granted and he missed my hugs.  He is absolutely one of a kind and I am so proud to have shared the firsts with him in Motherhood.  Technology obviously makes it easier for me to see him but, there’s nothing like seeing him or hugging him in person.

My phone has yet to ring today from Evan.  He is my 19 year old spunky, spirited, humerus, loud, stubborn, not easily embarrassed center of attention, creative, talented fly by the seat of your pants son.  He will be the life of the party and light up every room he walks into.  You are somehow drawn to him and his personality.  He has a caring soul, he is sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve.  He finds his own road and determines every direction based from today – there is no planning.  He is unorganized and the risk taker.  He cares what others think and he wants to help everyone and see everyone else happy.  He’s a giver.  He was my baby boy and we were close when he was little & it held up until right at 18.  As he started to take on the world as an adult – we began to clash. I was too nosy, too involved.  He is right, that’s exactly the type of parent I am.  As he started his Senior year in HS, his invincible attitude lead him into a few rough patches.  He struggled to finish that year but, he did.  It wasn’t easy – I know as I was the one calling, emailing, checking in, helping and yes even doing sometimes.  He had no desire to be in school as he felt he wasn’t understood.  Luckily, there was one Teacher who did understand him.  Mrs. Hale came to his open house & I could see the respect in his eyes and the adoration in hers.  I’m so thankful she was there for him in HS.  This young man is unique in every way & I adore him.  I have been blessed to have him as the 2nd child.  He is the one I experience everything last with.  I am so proud of that.

Now, before you think – son call your mom.  I have to say it’s not his fault.  He is at boot camp for the US Navy.  I’m hoping that they will allow him a phone call on Mother’s Day so that I may hear his voice but, if not I’ll hold on to the memories before and that will suffice and push me through.  However; I think those who are in charge have mothers and know their mothers would say – let them make the call 🙂  I have been blessed 3 times while he was away for very short (no more than 2 minute) phone calls.  Most of it was scripted and we didn’t really get to talk.  He spoke, I listened.  The first call was horrifying for me as I could hear it in his voice – he hated it.  The 2nd call, I felt better as he sounded more relaxed.  The 3rd left me smiling because he sounded more like the Evan I know.  I am very proud of this young man and I can say there was no need to send a card or post anything on a media site.  I got what I needed & that was confirmation in his voice the last time we spoke that he GETS it.  He understands why I was rough on him and pushed him and while he hates it now, it will pay off in the end.  That he loves me and appreciates me undoubtedly.    Click below

You’ll Be In My Heart Always

 

With all the above stated, I must say, “it’s different”.  This is the first year where both of the boys are gone.  My nest is empty for sure but, they are not even in the same stateas I am.  It’s the first time for them both to be not in Indiana at the same time and it’s been a bit rough.  The house isn’t just quiet, my day is quiet, my phone is quiet (no text), the town is quiet.  You see my boys are very well known to my friends and we all spent lots of time together.  So, my friends would text and say – just ran into Eian or Evan.  So, it’s all a different feeling for me to accept.  TRUST me when I say I love the quiet, the no interruptions to my day, not being late, not tripping over the rug my son rolled up with his foot or being woke up after just falling asleep in the afternoon to answer a simple question.  I also must say that I MISS those exact same things.  I have every intention of embracing it all and sitting on the sidelines watching and waiting for them to call or contact me.  Instead of being sad or thinking how much things have changed.  I will allow their memories to make me smile & drive me as I enjoy all the little things life has to offer.  I’ll pack my bag and hold them in my heart every single mile of the road ahead.  For today for Mother’s Day – I am headed South for a full weeks vacation.

I’m also lucky enough to have a boyfriend who cares.  Who tries with everything he has to make the transition of the boys both being gone a little bit easier.  He checks on me, he sends me notes, text, brings me drinks, cooks for me and yes today he even purchased me a bottle of wine, a thermos, cactus and balloons with a touching card – even if I’m not his mother.  He’s a sweetheart and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

I have a beautiful, inspirational, passionate, caring, kind hearted and extremely loving and sensitive mother who is still a very big part of my life.  For that I am grateful!!  I worked some OT today allowing others to have time off for Mother’s Day & Bob purchased my lunch, such a nice thing to do.

I have always said I am not just Eian & Evans mother.  I wear many other hats and am my own individual.  Now it’s time to let that shine!!  I want to see the world and all the beauty it has to offer.  Happy Mothers Day to each and every one of you who give it your all and do what needs to be done.  Extra hugs to those who don’t have their mothers here to help them in their time of need.  Remember her, tell her story, share.  For our legacy is our children.

“Being a mother, it is the greatest gift”

“Many people are passionate, but because of their limiting beliefs about who they are and what they can do, they never take actions that could make their dream a reality” – Anthony Robins

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

 

Motherhood has changed me

Over the past few years, I have been experiencing many different emotions in my life.  My children have both left home.  Eian is 21 – currently stationed in CO for the United States Army.  Evan is 19, graduated from HS & currently living with his father here in Frankfort.

I can honestly say I’m proud of both of my boys.  While they are completely different people, I love them both the same.  With Eian, my first born, I learned to experience my FIRSTS with him.  As a parent, your first born puts you through everything first, you feel so inexperienced and unprepared.  With your second child, you think you should have things mastered.  You have experienced most everything you thought possible.  WRONG, he’s my baby – the last one to leave the nest.  Truth is since Eian turned 13 I started preparing for his graduation, and departure emotionally.  So, that I didn’t break down and cry at graduation or his open house & such.  With Evan, I began the same process but, it was different.  It was different because I knew I wouldn’t have to prepare for those emotions ever again, he was the last one I would experience those emotions with.

You see as a Mother, I tend to take everything personally when it comes to my boys.  Their success, their errors, their compliments, their flaws.  For, I am half of what created them, and all that carried them.  For me, being a Mother – fulfilled me.  Growing up, that’s all I knew for a fact I wanted.  I wanted to be a Mother.  I didn’t think about how the roles of Motherhood would change once they became adults.

Obviously, I’m always going to be their Mother – nothing can ever change that.  But, the roles change.  You step aside, you watch from the sidelines waiting.  For if they need or want your input, they will ask.  You hope that everything you gave them was enough!  You hope that what they experienced growing up, they remember.  You were brought up in a loving home of God.  You got to watch your parents in a kind & loving marriage.  You watched your parents work as a team together, your team.  You knew you were number one.  You got to enjoy family vacations, playing any sport you wanted, have your friends over & have some of the best parties EVER.  You were shown pride, honor, dignity, love, respect, truth, compassion, affection, strictness, and forgiveness.  You watched two adults change while maintaining their self-worth.  You were watching your Mother as she learned to stand strong on her own as she went through a divorce.  You watched me be frugal, handle finances and got to see first hand how they can change,  and how to manage them.  What is important and what is not.  You saw me be sassy, spirited, stubborn, opinionated, self-loved, motivated, hurt, happy, angry, independent, involved, and even weak at times.  You watched my friendships blossom with old friends, new friendships develop and even some friendships disappear.  You watched as I opened up to another man, other than your father & you accepted him.  You embraced him & allowed me to be happy – without guilt.

But, did you learn anything from what you experienced?  That is the question I as your Mother worry about every single day.  I know you had chores, there were consequences to your actions, you were loved, hugged & kissed daily.  That you said, “yes ma’am & yes sir”, you opened doors for others, you didn’t liter, you smiled, you laughed, you learned because I watched it happen.  But, do you remember, did it stick with you.  Have you forgotten about all the good?

The only guarantee in this life is CHANGE!  Change is around us every second of every day.  As ugly as this world is, there is still beauty to be seen.  It is up to us to choose to see the beauty.  We start by looking at ourselves & seeing the beauty within.  See yourself for who you really are, a loving child of God who has so much to give this world.  Look in the mirror and see yourself, see your flaws, embrace them, if you can change them – work on them.  See your mind – educate it, use it.  See your heart – open it.  Don’t hold back with fear, allowing yourself to not live a full life because you are afraid of being hurt, failing or being rejected.  See all the mistakes from your past & know that they are learning experiences and you can and will grow from them.  They aren’t mistakes if you continue to make them.  Repeating them means they are just bad choices that you continue to choose to make.  See all the flaws you have and make them work for you, not against you.  Create the person you want to be by: knowing you are never alone, loving yourself, being honest with yourself, respecting yourself, respecting others, loving others, setting goals and achieving them.  You have so many qualities that I can’t even begin to list them all.  See them, see what I see, see what others see.

I have tried each and everyday to live my life as if it were my last.  There are many many things around us daily that remind us – it could be ME.  I could become ill, I could lose a sense, I could die today.  It could be you, it could be any one of us.  Time is too precious to waste & have nothing that really truly is important to you – and I don’t mean “things”.  Embrace yourself, those you love, and the things that make you happy – truly happy!  L I V E

Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory ~ Dr. Suess

To Joey, With Love ~ this is a move that is a perfect example of what I’m talking about for even in death from cancer – they managed to remember what was important & to share it with the world.  God & Love.

Find tickets – only showing Oct. 6, 2016

 

 

 

Memorial Day 2013

Memorial Day I had been invited to many social gatherings, even carb day.  Instead of attending any of these, I opted to keep the twins for the weekend.  Friday I prepared for their visit, sort of baby proofing the living room.  Brought their high chair in, set up the pack in plays & had the house clean.  Saturday they arrived.  Evan, Skyler & I attended the EMS cook out & enjoyed the yummy food & meeting the paramedics.

My twin niece & nephew Jaycee & Keedan are approximately 8 months old on Memorial Day 2013.  They are just too precious for me to even describe.  So without words, here are some photos from them being with me that weekend.   Memorial Day Jaycee & her spoon memorial day snuggle buddies Memorial Day with Jonny my bear eian & Keedan memorial day

The oldest boy in the photo is my soon to be 18 year old son, Eian.  What you need to know about Eian; is he is not a big kid fan.  For some reason he has never really liked kids especially babies.  He use to scare his own cousin Morgan by walking up & yelling at her.  She remembers too.  With that being said, he still doesn’t like to sit with them very long but, he has loosened up to the twins.  He now at least acknowledges that they exist & he will even rub their belly for a second.  Now with Keedan, it is a bit different.  He tends to like Keedan.  Eian says it is because he is so cool.  Keedan doesn’t move around a lot, baby chatter, scream, or grab at you like Jaycee does.  Keedan has what we call the stare; where he just sits & stares off into space.  He has personality but, he tends to hide it.  Eian decided to take a video of Keedan laughing.  Well, when he played the video back, Keedan laughed and laughed at himself.  I don’t have that entire video but, I did manage to catch a short version of Keedan sitting on Eians lap watching himself.  My favorite part in this video is Eian knew he was being recorded & he tried so hard NOT to laugh at Keedan, he failed.  In the video Keedan is saying, “dad dad”.    http://2013keedanmemdaywitheian.shutterfly.com/pictures/8

That night Keedan fought sleep for 30 minutes.  Pattie has told me that this is his normal routine, fighting sleep.  We all rested well.  Sunday we got up & all of us enjoyed some company with friends.  Then we headed to Boss & Tiffany for a family cook out.  There was a “cursing episode” you will read about in another blog.  But, everyone fussed over the twins & I got to see many of my cousins.  We had a great time then headed back home to enjoy more company.  Billy & Pattie picked up the twins Monday late morning & I was sad to see them go.  All in all it was a great Memorial Day for me.

On a side note, sometimes I am not able to upload my videos from my phone/text/email.  So, I have located the shutterfly website that allows me to share them along with slideshows so you will probably see more shutterfly in the future.  Happy Reading.