Over the past few years, I have been experiencing many different emotions in my life. My children have both left home. Eian is 21 – currently stationed in CO for the United States Army. Evan is 19, graduated from HS & currently living with his father here in Frankfort.
I can honestly say I’m proud of both of my boys. While they are completely different people, I love them both the same. With Eian, my first born, I learned to experience my FIRSTS with him. As a parent, your first born puts you through everything first, you feel so inexperienced and unprepared. With your second child, you think you should have things mastered. You have experienced most everything you thought possible. WRONG, he’s my baby – the last one to leave the nest. Truth is since Eian turned 13 I started preparing for his graduation, and departure emotionally. So, that I didn’t break down and cry at graduation or his open house & such. With Evan, I began the same process but, it was different. It was different because I knew I wouldn’t have to prepare for those emotions ever again, he was the last one I would experience those emotions with.
You see as a Mother, I tend to take everything personally when it comes to my boys. Their success, their errors, their compliments, their flaws. For, I am half of what created them, and all that carried them. For me, being a Mother – fulfilled me. Growing up, that’s all I knew for a fact I wanted. I wanted to be a Mother. I didn’t think about how the roles of Motherhood would change once they became adults.
Obviously, I’m always going to be their Mother – nothing can ever change that. But, the roles change. You step aside, you watch from the sidelines waiting. For if they need or want your input, they will ask. You hope that everything you gave them was enough! You hope that what they experienced growing up, they remember. You were brought up in a loving home of God. You got to watch your parents in a kind & loving marriage. You watched your parents work as a team together, your team. You knew you were number one. You got to enjoy family vacations, playing any sport you wanted, have your friends over & have some of the best parties EVER. You were shown pride, honor, dignity, love, respect, truth, compassion, affection, strictness, and forgiveness. You watched two adults change while maintaining their self-worth. You were watching your Mother as she learned to stand strong on her own as she went through a divorce. You watched me be frugal, handle finances and got to see first hand how they can change, and how to manage them. What is important and what is not. You saw me be sassy, spirited, stubborn, opinionated, self-loved, motivated, hurt, happy, angry, independent, involved, and even weak at times. You watched my friendships blossom with old friends, new friendships develop and even some friendships disappear. You watched as I opened up to another man, other than your father & you accepted him. You embraced him & allowed me to be happy – without guilt.
But, did you learn anything from what you experienced? That is the question I as your Mother worry about every single day. I know you had chores, there were consequences to your actions, you were loved, hugged & kissed daily. That you said, “yes ma’am & yes sir”, you opened doors for others, you didn’t liter, you smiled, you laughed, you learned because I watched it happen. But, do you remember, did it stick with you. Have you forgotten about all the good?
The only guarantee in this life is CHANGE! Change is around us every second of every day. As ugly as this world is, there is still beauty to be seen. It is up to us to choose to see the beauty. We start by looking at ourselves & seeing the beauty within. See yourself for who you really are, a loving child of God who has so much to give this world. Look in the mirror and see yourself, see your flaws, embrace them, if you can change them – work on them. See your mind – educate it, use it. See your heart – open it. Don’t hold back with fear, allowing yourself to not live a full life because you are afraid of being hurt, failing or being rejected. See all the mistakes from your past & know that they are learning experiences and you can and will grow from them. They aren’t mistakes if you continue to make them. Repeating them means they are just bad choices that you continue to choose to make. See all the flaws you have and make them work for you, not against you. Create the person you want to be by: knowing you are never alone, loving yourself, being honest with yourself, respecting yourself, respecting others, loving others, setting goals and achieving them. You have so many qualities that I can’t even begin to list them all. See them, see what I see, see what others see.
I have tried each and everyday to live my life as if it were my last. There are many many things around us daily that remind us – it could be ME. I could become ill, I could lose a sense, I could die today. It could be you, it could be any one of us. Time is too precious to waste & have nothing that really truly is important to you – and I don’t mean “things”. Embrace yourself, those you love, and the things that make you happy – truly happy! L I V E
Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory ~ Dr. Suess
To Joey, With Love ~ this is a move that is a perfect example of what I’m talking about for even in death from cancer – they managed to remember what was important & to share it with the world. God & Love.