Today

I’m kind of obsessed about specific things.  Once a thought pops into my mind, it always comes back – maybe not today but, it does return.  One of those obsessions is being prepared “today”.  Being prepared for whatever comes my way, being organized, being somewhat flexible but, mostly prepared for today – which for me is always tomorrow as well.  For I don’t look back, I always look forward.  While I can’t prepare or plan for everything.  The things that I can plan for, I will.  Some call it OCD, I just call it responsible and prepared.   My friends call and ask, when can you pencil me in.  I love being busy and filling my schedule.  It means I’m not missing out – that I’m able to fill every important second with important people, places, events, memories and moments.  Please listen when I say … THEY ARE ALL IMPORTANT TO ME.

In that preparation, I think about death – often.  It may seem strange to you but, not to me.  I have had a will since I was 20 & since I have aged, that has grown.  From a will, to a living will, to a medical will, to life insurance policies, to a list of gifts for specific people, to writing my own obituary, knowing what I want for my services, to even picking out the songs.  I of course will leave room for others to add their own music or photos and clergy but, I have my desires listed (I will haunt you – if not followed).

Back in the day when I first decided to travel without my children.  I found it somewhat risking to possibly die at the same time as their other parent.  So, I even opted to fly separately if the children weren’t with us.  This inspired me to write them letters.  Letters for graduation, wedding, birth & so forth in case I had left the Earth prior to said events & milestones in my childrens lives.  I still have those letters.  Then I decided to write letters to all of my nieces/nephews.  I often bring up death and if people have a plan and have paid for their services.  I don’t find it odd, I find it responsible.  I don’t want to leave behind any burdens for my children or significant other.  Therefore; I have the life insurance to pay for my wishes & leave a little something behind to help my children not struggle so much financially.  (No you’re not getting $100K).

So, to the point – somehow it came up with both my parents, they have a plan and are prepared so I am not left with a financial burden.  It has also came up with my Aunt Jamie who has my mind processing things even one step further THANKS!  Then there was this day with my niece McKenna.  I told her about my preparedness and my letters and it shocked me but, she wanted to read my letters now and not wait.  Me being a stubborn person of course told her not today, she had to wait and she would receive them once I passed away.  Then my niece, Kyree lost her Grandpa on her mothers side & my nephew, Gage mom posted about the loss of her brother 7 years ago.  These specific things come up often in my head and today I began to remember conversations with others about death.  My mother said, “whatever you want to give someone in death, you should give them now”.  Well, that’s her way.  I’m still stubborn and won’t give away the letters I wrote for when I pass.

But, I did take something from what my mom told me.  Last year I gave all of my nieces/nephews & children an elephant of mine.  They were the first things I ever collected.  I wrote them a paragraph with it.  I copied the paragraph (and gave all of my nieces/nephews one that actually said, LOVE MOM and it had stuff about them being born.  It’s funny because even when trying to be prepared I make mistakes – this is a perfect example of one.  I know that when they opened those gifts, it meant more to me then them.  But, I took my moms advice and I wanted them to have it now – not later.  I also decided that I needed to write them a letter – a letter about life – advice – just words and share it with them now if they are old enough about TODAY because tomorrow will be our TODAY and I don’t want them to wait until I die to hear most of these words of encouragement and wisdom.

I’m going to post the letter on my blog so they can all see it when they want to, when they are old enough, when they need words of encouragement, or just want to hear it again.

These are some of the topics that will be in the next post.  Death, Smiling, laughing, sarcasm, decisions, procrastination, things,  love, forgiveness, faith, fear, truth, loyalty & trust.

TODAY (is your yesterday, your today & your tomorrow)
2013 Chris Fuller & Evan at Lucas Oil Stadium football.jpg

How Do You think
By Anonymous

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t!
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind!

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself
Before you’ll ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the person who thinks he can!

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