Mine is different from yours

My Mother’s Day doesn’t start like yours.  I work night shift and therefore; have the luxury of receiving the earliest of Mothers Day wishes from my eldest son at 3am.  While you are tucked away sleeping, I receive a phone call from 1,087 miles away.    1997 Eian 2 and Evan 3 months

He’s now 21 and living in Coloroda and in the US Army.  He hasn’t been at home for almost 3 years now.  He is a smart, genuine, handsome, athletic, faithful, caring but realistic and determined young man with dreams.  He tends to stay to himself, he doesn’t like attention and he is very passionate.  He is strong willed and focused.  He has thick skin & doesn’t let much get to him.  He works hard and he plays hard.  He and I grew so much closer once he joined the Military & I will never forget “that letter” he wrote while in boot camp.  The letter was written of his own persuasion & from the heart.  It was like I felt the ink drinking onto my heart from each and every word he wrote.  He also gave a shout out while he was in Qatar on Facebook one year – and when he posted it.  I thought to myself – damn girl you got it right – motherhood.  He stated that it was the little things he missed the most and that he didn’t take things for granted and he missed my hugs.  He is absolutely one of a kind and I am so proud to have shared the firsts with him in Motherhood.  Technology obviously makes it easier for me to see him but, there’s nothing like seeing him or hugging him in person.

My phone has yet to ring today from Evan.  He is my 19 year old spunky, spirited, humerus, loud, stubborn, not easily embarrassed center of attention, creative, talented fly by the seat of your pants son.  He will be the life of the party and light up every room he walks into.  You are somehow drawn to him and his personality.  He has a caring soul, he is sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve.  He finds his own road and determines every direction based from today – there is no planning.  He is unorganized and the risk taker.  He cares what others think and he wants to help everyone and see everyone else happy.  He’s a giver.  He was my baby boy and we were close when he was little & it held up until right at 18.  As he started to take on the world as an adult – we began to clash. I was too nosy, too involved.  He is right, that’s exactly the type of parent I am.  As he started his Senior year in HS, his invincible attitude lead him into a few rough patches.  He struggled to finish that year but, he did.  It wasn’t easy – I know as I was the one calling, emailing, checking in, helping and yes even doing sometimes.  He had no desire to be in school as he felt he wasn’t understood.  Luckily, there was one Teacher who did understand him.  Mrs. Hale came to his open house & I could see the respect in his eyes and the adoration in hers.  I’m so thankful she was there for him in HS.  This young man is unique in every way & I adore him.  I have been blessed to have him as the 2nd child.  He is the one I experience everything last with.  I am so proud of that.

Now, before you think – son call your mom.  I have to say it’s not his fault.  He is at boot camp for the US Navy.  I’m hoping that they will allow him a phone call on Mother’s Day so that I may hear his voice but, if not I’ll hold on to the memories before and that will suffice and push me through.  However; I think those who are in charge have mothers and know their mothers would say – let them make the call 🙂  I have been blessed 3 times while he was away for very short (no more than 2 minute) phone calls.  Most of it was scripted and we didn’t really get to talk.  He spoke, I listened.  The first call was horrifying for me as I could hear it in his voice – he hated it.  The 2nd call, I felt better as he sounded more relaxed.  The 3rd left me smiling because he sounded more like the Evan I know.  I am very proud of this young man and I can say there was no need to send a card or post anything on a media site.  I got what I needed & that was confirmation in his voice the last time we spoke that he GETS it.  He understands why I was rough on him and pushed him and while he hates it now, it will pay off in the end.  That he loves me and appreciates me undoubtedly.    Click below

You’ll Be In My Heart Always

 

With all the above stated, I must say, “it’s different”.  This is the first year where both of the boys are gone.  My nest is empty for sure but, they are not even in the same stateas I am.  It’s the first time for them both to be not in Indiana at the same time and it’s been a bit rough.  The house isn’t just quiet, my day is quiet, my phone is quiet (no text), the town is quiet.  You see my boys are very well known to my friends and we all spent lots of time together.  So, my friends would text and say – just ran into Eian or Evan.  So, it’s all a different feeling for me to accept.  TRUST me when I say I love the quiet, the no interruptions to my day, not being late, not tripping over the rug my son rolled up with his foot or being woke up after just falling asleep in the afternoon to answer a simple question.  I also must say that I MISS those exact same things.  I have every intention of embracing it all and sitting on the sidelines watching and waiting for them to call or contact me.  Instead of being sad or thinking how much things have changed.  I will allow their memories to make me smile & drive me as I enjoy all the little things life has to offer.  I’ll pack my bag and hold them in my heart every single mile of the road ahead.  For today for Mother’s Day – I am headed South for a full weeks vacation.

I’m also lucky enough to have a boyfriend who cares.  Who tries with everything he has to make the transition of the boys both being gone a little bit easier.  He checks on me, he sends me notes, text, brings me drinks, cooks for me and yes today he even purchased me a bottle of wine, a thermos, cactus and balloons with a touching card – even if I’m not his mother.  He’s a sweetheart and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

I have a beautiful, inspirational, passionate, caring, kind hearted and extremely loving and sensitive mother who is still a very big part of my life.  For that I am grateful!!  I worked some OT today allowing others to have time off for Mother’s Day & Bob purchased my lunch, such a nice thing to do.

I have always said I am not just Eian & Evans mother.  I wear many other hats and am my own individual.  Now it’s time to let that shine!!  I want to see the world and all the beauty it has to offer.  Happy Mothers Day to each and every one of you who give it your all and do what needs to be done.  Extra hugs to those who don’t have their mothers here to help them in their time of need.  Remember her, tell her story, share.  For our legacy is our children.

“Being a mother, it is the greatest gift”

“Many people are passionate, but because of their limiting beliefs about who they are and what they can do, they never take actions that could make their dream a reality” – Anthony Robins

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

 

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